Spurned Spurs!

Spurned Spurs!

Sam Gershik, News Lite Editor
March 10, 2015
Filed under News Lite

Sheriff Stephen Haskell of Sublette County, Wyo., which spans the great metropolises of Pinedale, Big Piney and Marbleton and home to 10,041 people, has banned the wearing of cowboy attire by police officers while on the job. Who is this pleb to tell police officers what to wear while serving their... Read more »

Woodward leaps to conclusions, lands on supposition

Woodward leaps to conclusions, lands on supposition

Pierce Woodward, Advice Columnist
March 10, 2015
Filed under News Lite

I got the test results of my suit back from the police. They’ve matched some of the residue on it to a very narrow list of locations, only one of which I could fathom to have been where I was held. Accessing my amazing powers of stealth, I dilly-dallied minimally as I maneuvered my way toward the... Read more »

Yeezus’ gift to man

Yeezus’ gift to man

Annissa Bensalah and Saatvika Deshpande
March 10, 2015
Filed under News Lite

Are you looking for a new style? One that screams, “I’m a homeless, zombie-killing apocalypse survivor?” Worry not, as our savior Yeezus has answered your prayers. Between interrupting singers at the Grammys and hanging out with his new BFF Paul McCartney, Kanye West has been designing the ugliest,... Read more »

Cutlery crisis! Sporks seize power

Cutlery crisis! Sporks seize power

Sam Gershik, News Lite Editor
January 30, 2015
Filed under News Lite

Several weeks ago, in an hour of crisis, the Cal High cafetorium made a poor decision regarding the beloved cutlery of its students. Inadvertently supporting the worst mashup since Nickelback duetted with Winston and the Jeopardy Robot at the Kidz Choice Awards in 1859, the lunchroom replaced its... Read more »

Pierce Woodward is the cat’s pajamas

Pierce Woodward is the cat’s pajamas

Pierce Woodward, Advice Columnist
January 30, 2015
Filed under News Lite

Hey guys, before I can give you your first words of wisdom for 2015, I’ve got some things I need to tell you. First off, I’m very proud of myself. I did some charity work for my neighbors, using my powers to light an entire block of Christmas lights. I’m developing more control so only one house... Read more »

What’s the deal with white people?

What’s the deal with white people?

Arman Tafazzoli, Managing Editor
December 18, 2014
Filed under News Lite, Showcase

If you were to put a picture in your head of the cast of a movie taking place in ancient Egypt, the time of pyramids and pharaohs, what would the picture look like? Surely, there must be some color in that picture. After all, a majority of all Egyptians and North Africans are and have been brownish... Read more »

Betcha can’t eat just one Cheesy Garlic Bread chip

Betcha can’t eat just one Cheesy Garlic Bread chip

Erin Fox, Managing Editor
December 18, 2014
Filed under News Lite

In a taste test by professional taste testers, aka The Californian’s fourth period class, we have concluded that the Lay’s potato chip company has officially lost its mind. Five bags of bizarrely-flavored Lay’s potato chips were  recently tasted and rated on a scale from 1-5, with ... Read more »

Sullen seagulls soar away from school

Zoe Chan, Staff Writer
November 21, 2014
Filed under News Lite

... Read more »

Woodward lightens up

Pierce Woodward, Advice Columnist
November 21, 2014
Filed under News Lite

... Read more »

Cancel your trip, North Korea closes borders

Cancel your trip, North Korea closes borders

Austin Hille, Editor In Chief
November 21, 2014
Filed under News Lite, Showcase

Ebola is bad. That’s pretty much an accepted fact. But the truth of that fact really hit home on Oct. 23 when North Korea decided to close its doors to the multitudes of tourists that visit each year because of the Ebola outbreak. Yes, even the mighty Kim Jong Un has joined the international... Read more »