The School Newspaper for California High School, San Ramon CA

Facebook: a gift beyond the grave

Facebook: a gift beyond the grave

Raz Mostaghimi, Staff Writer
June 5, 2015
Filed under News Lite

Great news for ghosts-to-be: in February, Facebook introduced a new feature called the “Legacy Contact.” With this feature, people can give control of their Facebook accounts to a friend or family member after they die. The loved one in charge of the account can accept friend requests, change... Read more »

Farewell, Cal High. And now, a hysterical list of what one can do after high school

Farewell, Cal High. And now, a hysterical list of what one can do after high school

Sam Gershik and Pierce Woodward
June 5, 2015
Filed under News Lite

Seniors, we are now done with high school. What are some options for what to do next? We could go to college. We could go the military. We could become facetious bloggers that sip coffee and fill with so much false confidence we stop paying taxes. We could adopt a dog. We could skin a cat. We could... Read more »

Body cameras belong on our teachers

Saatvika Deshpande, Staff Writer
June 5, 2015
Filed under News Lite

In the wake of President Obama’s initiative to put body camera on  police officers nationwide, another genius idea has come to light: to attach body cameras to Cal High teachers. While some might see this as an invasion of privacy, we at The Californian see it as a simple monitoring device. What b... Read more »

War of the Woodwards

War of the Woodwards

Pierce Woodward, Advice Columnist
April 27, 2015
Filed under News Lite

So I found him. I found the guy who kidnapped me. He’s a scientist, but the worst kind. I wasn’t the only person he had kidnapped. There were many others, all of whom had been experimented on by this scientist. I was the only success story. Needless to say, I developed a hero complex, and... Read more »

I raaaaaaaaaaan, I ran so far away

Arman Tafazzoli, Managing Editor
April 27, 2015
Filed under News Lite

I ran is a sentence. Iran, pronounced “ee-ron” for all you uncultured gringos, is a country. A very disliked and misunderstood country here in the U.S. I had the pleasure of spending my three weeks of spring break (taking off an extra two weeks to add to the one) in Iran after not having visited... Read more »

Spurned Spurs!

Spurned Spurs!

Sam Gershik, News Lite Editor
March 10, 2015
Filed under News Lite

Sheriff Stephen Haskell of Sublette County, Wyo., which spans the great metropolises of Pinedale, Big Piney and Marbleton and home to 10,041 people, has banned the wearing of cowboy attire by police officers while on the job. Who is this pleb to tell police officers what to wear while serving their... Read more »

Woodward leaps to conclusions, lands on supposition

Woodward leaps to conclusions, lands on supposition

Pierce Woodward, Advice Columnist
March 10, 2015
Filed under News Lite

I got the test results of my suit back from the police. They’ve matched some of the residue on it to a very narrow list of locations, only one of which I could fathom to have been where I was held. Accessing my amazing powers of stealth, I dilly-dallied minimally as I maneuvered my way toward the... Read more »

Yeezus’ gift to man

Yeezus’ gift to man

Annissa Bensalah and Saatvika Deshpande
March 10, 2015
Filed under News Lite

Are you looking for a new style? One that screams, “I’m a homeless, zombie-killing apocalypse survivor?” Worry not, as our savior Yeezus has answered your prayers. Between interrupting singers at the Grammys and hanging out with his new BFF Paul McCartney, Kanye West has been designing the ugliest,... Read more »

Cutlery crisis! Sporks seize power

Cutlery crisis! Sporks seize power

Sam Gershik, News Lite Editor
January 30, 2015
Filed under News Lite

Several weeks ago, in an hour of crisis, the Cal High cafetorium made a poor decision regarding the beloved cutlery of its students. Inadvertently supporting the worst mashup since Nickelback duetted with Winston and the Jeopardy Robot at the Kidz Choice Awards in 1859, the lunchroom replaced its... Read more »

Pierce Woodward is the cat’s pajamas

Pierce Woodward is the cat’s pajamas

Pierce Woodward, Advice Columnist
January 30, 2015
Filed under News Lite

Hey guys, before I can give you your first words of wisdom for 2015, I’ve got some things I need to tell you. First off, I’m very proud of myself. I did some charity work for my neighbors, using my powers to light an entire block of Christmas lights. I’m developing more control so only one house... Read more »