The Californian

The Mythical Lord of the Switch

Conan Maron, Staff Writer

May 30, 2018


Filed under News Lite

Some say it never existed. That the concepts of the Switch were nonexistent. That the Switches seemed to transcend across all space and time only to disappear into oblivion without sudden notice.  Now it has been years since the legendary Alex Suehiro led his crusade of Switch cult members to ...

The tragic, lonely life of the AP student

Kyle Maron, Staff Writer

May 30, 2018


Filed under News Lite

For all who strive to obtain the precious entity of higher knowledge. For all who are willing to lay down thy lives for the sake of advanced education. For all of us poor souls who have signed that damn AP contract.  There is but one God out there who we have devoted our spiritual entity. One ...

Electives Cal High students truly deserve

Electives Cal High students truly deserve

Kevin Sablynski, Staff Writer

April 27, 2018


Filed under News Lite

As this school year draws to a close, the school has been scrambling to create new, innovative elective classes that students would be interested in taking. Some high schools already offer a wide variety of weird courses, such as  lumberjacking that teaches students how to properly cut down ...

Struggles of the fast food industry

Kiley Borba, Staff Writer

April 27, 2018


Filed under News Lite

The bell rings, I trudge out of my last class of the day. Finally, Friday is finished, and I completed another week of school without ruining my life. Time to go home, relax, and catch up on the five days of sleep I’ve lost… Except that won’t be happening, I need to eat a quick lunch, get dressed,...

Movie series suggestions from Dan Pan the Movie Man

Movie series suggestions from Dan Pan the Movie Man

Daniel Pan, Photo Editor

April 27, 2018


Filed under News Lite

Summer is nearly here, which can only mean one thing: sequels.  Apart from the regular Marvel movies and the inevitable adaptation of some blundisroman, there really isn’t anything out of the ordinary planned. Some French director probably once said, “A good movie is one that delights in su...

To shave or not to shave, that is the question

To shave or not to shave, that is the question

Alex Suehiro, Staff Writer

March 16, 2018


Filed under News Lite

For centuries women have shaved their legs, but it recently dawned on me to ask the question: Why don’t men shave their legs as well?  Is society to blame? I wanted to dive into the science behind why men don’t shave their legs, and why women do. Absurdly, if I asked you to name which...

College rejection in a nutshell

College rejection in a nutshell

Brian Nakajima, News Editor

March 16, 2018


Filed under News Lite

For the ephoebus senioritis, better known as the high school senior, the first three months of the second semester are tremendously distressful.  The senior must deal with the natural stress inducing agents: homework, group projects, assassins targets, and all while dealing with the predisposition...

The beginning of the end

Conan Maron, Staff Writer

March 16, 2018


Filed under News Lite

Frustrated with the results of the 2016 election? Are you still chanting the words “not my president” in 2018?  For all politically thirsty citizens wishing to implement real change, there is now a vacant government position ripe for the taking.  Just imagine, putting yourself in...

Elon Musk throws us for a loop

Elon Musk throws us for a loop

Kevin Sablynski, Staff Writer

February 9, 2018


Filed under News Lite

Elon Musk, the man who believes we all live in a simulation, is in the process of making a high-speed form of underground, long-distance transportation called a Hyperloop with SpaceX. Musk’s proposed Hyperloop will be a shuttle-like vehicle traveling in an underground tunnel and track system, much...

Go ‘mutts’ over the pets in the newsroom

Go ‘mutts’ over the pets in the newsroom

Emma Hall, Managing Editor

February 9, 2018


Filed under News Lite

Breaking meows! Heel the press! The Californian would like to give appreciation and gratitude to these pets of pawsitivity.  Working for The Californian can be sometimes stressful, so it’s only appropriate these pets are given the recognition they deserve. Here are the stories of the wonder...

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