The Californian

2017: The good, the bad, the ugly

2017: The good, the bad, the ugly

Conan Maron, Staff Writer

December 19, 2017


Filed under News Lite

On Jan. 21, 2017, America watched their new emperor say the words, “I, Donald J. Trump, do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States. So help me God.”  But...

The North Pole goes south

The North Pole goes south

Holden Curtis, Staff Writer

December 19, 2017


Filed under News Lite

On Dec. 27, 2017, the hearing of The People v. Kris Kringle was held in the New York State federal court.  The man, more commonly known as Santa Claus, was charged on more than 38 various felony offenses, with dozens more misdemeanor charges on the docket.  The severity of Kringle’s...

How the Little Rocket Man stole Christmas

Alex Suehiro, Staff Writer

December 19, 2017


Filed under News Lite

’Twas the night before Christmas, when all through North Korea, not a creature was stirring, not even with diarrhea. The North Koreans were nestled all snug in their cots, while visions of the great leader danced in their thoughts.  Every person in North Korea liked Christmas a lot, but Kim...

All chaotic on the In-N-Out front

All chaotic on the In-N-Out front

Kevin Sablynski, Staff Writer

November 7, 2017


Filed under News Lite

The San Ramon In-N-Out  Burger location turns into a harrowing war front after any Cal High event.  With each Friday night football game, the unsuspecting establishment is plagued with riots of rowdy individuals from none other than our beloved Cal High.  First come the belligerents...

Kian Jafari: San Ramon’s drifting legend

Kian Jafari: San Ramon’s drifting legend

Holden Curtis, Staff Writer

November 7, 2017


Filed under News Lite

Many people in today’s society dream of being an action star, fighting crime and getting into car chases.  For most people, having a persona out of a blockbuster movie will always remain a farfetched dream.  But for Cal High senior Kian Jafari, this dream has become an absolute reality. Jafari...

Dabbing no longer just a dance move

Kevin Sablynski, Staff Writer

October 2, 2017


Filed under News Lite

As expected, teens stuck in the confines of school have gone under the radar with vaping these days, taking a step further than an average nicotine-based JUUL. It’s along the lines of marijuana now. It’s expected to see high school students stoned in statistics, baked in biology, even inebriated...

Quite a spin on the fidget spinner

Holden Curtis, Staff Writer

October 2, 2017


Filed under News Lite, Uncategorized

The wheel. Who needs it? Sliced bread. Who cares?  None of these inventions hold a candle to the glorious fidget spinner. Surely the greatest invention of the 21st century, this small plastic toy has captivated the minds of the easily-impressed in recent months.  But just when we...

Solar eclipse gave me super powers

Matt Martinez, Staff Writer

October 2, 2017


Filed under News Lite

I remember when everyone called me an idiot for staring directly into the eclipse without those stupid glasses on.  Look at me now. I’m a frickin’ X-Man.  I can’t even count how many times I heard the phrase, “Don’t look directly into the sun without glasses” before Aug. 21.  ...

Don’t take statues for granite

Don’t take statues for granite

Kiley Borba, Staff Writer

May 15, 2017


Filed under News Lite

A statue was recently unveiled of the professional soccer player – or futbol player to the rest of the world that may be reading – Cristiano Ronaldo, the Real Madrid and Portuguese national team star. The horrific statue now graces the Cristinao Ronaldo International Airport in Madeira, the small...

WW3 is not for me

WW3 is not for me

Josh Kyser, Staff Writer

May 15, 2017


Filed under News Lite

With the prospect of World War III on the table, the thought of a draft has crossed the minds of many in the U.S. It isn’t an entirely irrational thought, so I’ve compiled a list of 10 easy tips to help you dodge the draft. Tip 1: Get packing. One of the best ways to avoid the draft is to ...

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