by Stefan Chapman, advice columnist

Dear Sincerely Stefan,

I recently realized that my hair is falling out more than usual.  I have fairly long hair, so people have noticed the loss. I need an idea that won’t cost me a lot of money. Also, homecoming is coming up pretty soon, and I don’t want to look funny on the dance floor.

– Nick Villano

Dear Nick,

There is no point trying to regrow it all now, and it wouldn’t work anyway.

You’re going to have to trick everyone, and the cheap way is never easy. You’re going to need a wig, not just any wig, but a really cheap wig. You need a mop. Cut the top off the mop,  and put that on your head.  It’s the only way to have some sort of hair style during homecoming.

You can always take a more stylish approach to the matter and wear a really fancy or large hat. Everybody knows big fancy hats are in.

Try wearing a top hat, so people are drawn to how big your hat is rather than how much hair you’re missing. Make sure the hat is placed directly over the area where you’re losing hair, whether it is the side of your head or the back.

Who cares if the hat sticks out in a weird direction? Would you rather have the hat stick out, or your appearance?

Truthfully, Nick you should just man up. Any girl would be lucky to dance with you.

– Sincerely Stefan

Dear Sincerely Stefan,

What’s your favorite color?

– Angie Pardini

Dear Angie,

Don’t ask me that. Over the past year and a month or some amount of time, I have received a lot of questions like this. I have been asked what my favorite color is six times too many.

I have received math questions, riddles, and even a letter about why someone didn’t like their mom. Please do not write me letters, just questions.

I have been receiving questions that are impossible to answer like how to fix the situation in North Korea or how to make Cal High cleaner.

What I’m trying to say is that this is a serious school newspaper, and I need serious questions if I’m going to have the best Sincerely Stefan column in California.

Write me a question about something you’re going through.  Whatever it is you want to know, I’ve got answers. Red.

– Sincerely Stefan

Dear Sincerely Stefan,

Why are the restrooms at Cal always so gross?

– Matt Goodman

Dear Matt,

There are a few different reasons why people choose to make the bathrooms so gross.

I heard rumors going around of restroom art, a new form of art that involves you, yourself, and all the resources in the rest room. The point of this new art is to take everything in the restroom and throw it around in all directions.

Everyone can appreciate this new art because everyone can relate. I mean, who doesn’t use the restroom? Students can’t help but notice the new trend.

They might be using the restroom, and then find out there is no toilet paper. Then they realize it’s all over the floor. Why? Restroom art.

Some young freshman  might be washing his or her hands while rushing to get to class. they turns to grab a paper towel, but there is none left. He then has to skip paper towels and go to class. Now every one is wondering why that student has wet hands.

It doesn’t matter though, because it was all in the name of restroom art.

– Sincerely Stefan

Send  your questions to Stefan on Twitter @Stefan Sincerely