The Californian

Senior Worsts for the Class of 2018

Matt Martinez, Staff Writer

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Seeing as it is the end of the year, it seems fitting that we shine a spotlight on certain members of Cal High’s class of 2018 and their “accomplishments.” 

The senior best list is pretty overdone, so I’ve decided to do something a bit different to highlight certain outstanding students. 

We’ve carefully selected students who have been nominated the worst in one particular field, and spoke to the ones who actually agreed to be featured in The Californian. 

Enjoy.

Justin Buechler

Worst Attendance

Kicking us off at number worst is Justin Buechler, who has missed a grand total of 39 days this last semester and shows no signs of slowing down. Buechler, on average, has a four day school week, because “Nothing happens on Fridays anyway.”

He is also known to sign out of school and go home for the sole purpose to use the bathroom because the school rest rooms can be pretty gross. Well, with the exception of the band room bathroom, of course. 

It’s statistically more likely for the Avengers to defeat Thanos than it is to see Buechler actually in a classroom. 

“I missed half of high school and I still ended up fine,” Buechler remarked on his high school experience.

Logan Lucas

Worst Hypebeast

First of all, I’m not even sure how much Logan Lucas resells, and can you really be a true hypebeast if you aren’t reselling? 

I’ll answer that for you. Simply treating the clothes as nice clothes isn’t good enough. 

In order to be a true hypebeast, you have to repeatedly refresh the Supreme website the day of a drop, purchase the piece with the most obnoxiously large box logo sprawled across the chest, wear it twice to flex on some 14-year-old freshmen, then put it up on Grailed for a minimum of $300. 

Without that last step Lucas will never truly be a hypebeast. Granted, he does have the staples of the hypebeast wardrobe: A Supreme box logo hoodie, a Supreme Stoned Island shirt, Off-white Pants, a pair of the CDG Converse. Yet, this man doesn’t OWN ANY BAPE! 

Not only this, but he also has a fake Burberry scarf. Sad!

Ben Ruthruff

Worst Driver

What’s worse than crashing your car? Crashing a Tesla.

Ben Ruthruff has hit a top speed of 140 miles per hour while driving, and has been pulled over twice. 

For reference, the Tesla Model S, (which Ben made sure to clarify was red) has broken the machine for testing how much it takes to flip a car. In other words, it should be impossible to flip. 

Yet he still found a way. And if that wasn’t enough, he managed to take out two trees in the process. I’m not gonna lie, that’s pretty impressive. 

This didn’t stop Ben, as he was given a new Tesla only a handful of weeks after he totaled the first one. It might be wise for him to take driving lessons again.

Adam Schroeder

Worst Employee

This one is slightly more personal, but if you have ever patronized the Vitality Bowls in the San Ramon Market Place, you can probably relate. 

It’s not uncommon to see your classmates working at an eatery you like. Typically they give you slightly above average service and if you’re lucky, a small discount. 

I recently went to Vitality Bowls, where Adam Schroeder is employed, and ordered a simple grilled cheese. That’s it. He not only zombie walked through the process of taking my order, but he took a full 15 minutes to make my sandwich.

FIFTEEN MINUTES! 

I honestly don’t understand how it takes you that long to put three pieces of cheese in between two pieces of bread and put it on a panini press. It really should not be that hard. 

But I was still left waiting, twiddling my thumbs, listening to the faint 808s of what I assumed was a Shekwes song coming from the back of the kitchen.

Despite the poor service and the wait, that grilled cheese was still pretty solid. I’d give it like a 7 out of 10.

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The School Newspaper for California High School, San Ramon CA
Senior Worsts for the Class of 2018