Fridays are for the Aliens


Carol Chen

The Area 51 raid quickly became the quirkiest headline of the summer, going viral after a FaceBook post.

The most anticipated storming of a secretive Air Force Base in American history happened on Sept. 20.  Kinda. 

“AlienStock” was not a bop, but rather a over-hyped flop.

Rather than a Spartan style siege of Area 51, we were instead gifted with dancing, alien bodysuits, and some Chad with a North Korean flag. Just dandy.

The novel idea to storm one of the most illustrious and mysterious US Air Force facilities was thought up by Matty Roberts, a Nevadan college student.

After a few in-person visits from the FBI, and probably the CIA, DHS, and USAF among others, along with some likely wiretapping from the NSA, Roberts officially canceled the plans to raid the highly classified Air Force facility.

But this did not make much of a difference to the swaths of people who actually showed up to kinda just mingle with others in the Nevada desert, wear tinfoil hats and dance to low end EDM music? Wow.

When the plans to raid Area 51 were first announced in June, I would say that the vast majority of creative thinkers like myself envisioned something a little different than what we were actually given.

I imagined the US Army joining forces with the Air Force to launch surface-to-air missiles at a bunch of storming conspiracy theorists, while Howard The Alien sprinted toward safety into the vast abyss of the Nevada desert, all while Harambe and Stan Lee descended from heaven to rescue the rest of the imprisoned aliens.

We could have seen the aliens, but no. The disappointment of the Area 51 “raid” is about the equivalent to being a Knicks fan in July. You know the expectations are high. You know they probably won’t be met. But still, you hold onto that sliver of hope that your soul will be nourished just a bit by some good news.

And maybe, just maybe, you won’t have to turn to White Claw at 9 a.m. to cure your misery.

When reality finally caught up to us, we were let down. First off, two Dutch YouTubers were arrested when they trespassed three miles into a secure zone just outside the base. These fools didn’t even make it on the right day. They were caught on Sept. 10, 10 whole days before the raid. Bella Thorne could have read a calendar better.

The beloved storming of Area 51 had morphed into a lower end version of Coachella. As for who showed up, well, we had at least one Naruto runner caught on the news.

We also saw tinfoil hats, the hottest fashion trend since Antonio Brown’s loincloth.

If you know, you know.

There was also music, plenty of music to fill the dry, hot, and extraterrestrial Nevada air.

In short, AlienStock was a fart in a bathtub. On Jah, this was a bigger letdown than Fyre Festival. We didn’t even get to see none of them aliens!

A true nugget of sadness. But hey, at least we have enough White Claw.