Have you heard? The beard’s the word

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English teacher Sean King has a magnificent beard reminiscent of Giants closer Brian Wilson's. Except, his is naturally black. Other like King celebrate Manuary by growing facial hair. Photo by Alex Archuleta

By Tyler Hollander, staff writer

What makes a man? Is it how ripped he is or is it how large of a harem he has?

Reasons such as these are ridiculous. It’s his ability to cover his face in hair.

The month of January, known as Manuary, is the month that separates the men from the boys, the Grizzly Adamses from the Justin Biebers.

The people who don’t understand the sheer awesomeness that is Manuary, should just take a look around the school.

There are countless unshaven men roaming campus, as there have been for years.

To celebrate the tradition of Manuary, male participants allow their facial hair to grow freely for the whole month of January.

To some practitioners it is not just a physical transformation.

“The beard is a magnificent extension of the soul, acting as a gateway for divine knowledge, and therefore is man’s best friend,” said junior Jake Martin.

Manuary is, however, a month that many girls and girlfriends despise.

“I hate a guy’s facial hair because it’s scratchy and makes them look like a scraggly hobo,” said junior Michele Silver.

Although many girls share this opinion, there are some that defend Manuary.

“I can appreciate men’s facial hair,” said sophomore Joelle Williams. “Unfortunately, I don’t know very many men manly enough to grow it in my grade.”

Facial hair has had a long and illustrious history. From the patented handlebar mustache to the soul patch to chin straps, men have sported all kinds of styles of facial hair.

“I would want the under-chin beard to connect with my side burns to create a lion’s mane,” senior Grant Hall said. “Nothing is manlier than a lion.”

Many famous people have facial hair, and to most men it is a symbol of being macho.

No mere mortals are more macho and manly than figures such as Giants closer Brian Wilson, Hulk Hogan, and the legendary Chuck Norris, whose beard hides another fist.

Although men shave for many reasons, many enjoy Manuary not only because they can show off their impressive mustaches and beards, but also because they have one less chore to do.

By Tyler Hollander

Any furry facial fellow understands the annoying task that is shaving, but not many of them truly understand the sacrifice made by their facial follicles.

“(Facial hair) is a friend that doesn’t grow vengeful when cut off by it’s owner,” said Jake. “For that we must participate in Manuary as a show of reverence to our beards.”

For the peach-fuzz bearing youth, Manuary is a time to marvel at what could be, and to admire the manly men that grow astounding patterns of facial hair.

For Manuary participants, it is a time to grow masterpieces from their very bodies. It is time to fear the beard.