Karcrashian wedding

Tyler Hollander
Staff Writer

A smokin’ body, superstar status, and loads of money. What person doesn’t like these qualities in a significant other?

Due to an astonishing development that absolutely no one saw coming, many people might change their minds about the qualities which contribute to choosing a soulmate.

The divorce of superstar Kim Kardashian and NBA player Kris Humphries after only 72 days of marrige was as surprising and abrupt as the marriage itself.

Thankfully, many hard lessons can be learned from this ordeal.

Lesson 1: There is no such thing as a happy ending.

How can there be a happy ending in life when such a loving and considerate female tries to have love, show it off to millions of people for a profit, and then file for a divorce 72 days later?

Global warming, unemployment, and occupy movements pale in importance to this atrocity, and many people feel that since this storybook love didn’t work out, they can’t have a happy ending in their own lives.

Lesson 2: Money doesn’t matter, even if you’re making boatloads of it.

A wedding for such a perfect couple should be expensive and lavish, and they didn’t disappoint. Costing an estimated $6 million, the wedding was a huge event, with 400 guests attending and millions of people following on TV and in magazines.

Even with the money invested in the event, the couple made a minimal profit, according to both sides.

That doesn’t matter though, right? It was obviously only about love.

Lesson 3: Celebrities can’t get married. It never works out.

Every marriage in which celebrities are involved is fake, and will end horribly.

If someone like Kardashian, who only cares about love and nothing else, can’t stay married for more than 72 days, then who can? It is impossible for celebrity marriages to last, so they must all be fake.

Never believe other celebrity marriages are real, because it is all a publicity stunt, which has been proven from this most recent example.

Lesson 4: Always keep mementos from failed relationships, so it reminds you of your mistake. That way, you won’t make the same mistakes again.

Kardashian made sure to keep a memento from her surprisingly short marriage by – don’t be too stunned now – maintaining possession of the ring Humphries gave to her.

It couldn’t be the fact that the ring is 20.5 carats or is worth $2 million. It is only to give her a constant reminder of her short-lived marrige. She is obviously crushed by being single.

Lesson 5: Keep your head up. All things turn out for the best, most of the time.

The marriage made some money and Kardashian gained more attention then she already had, not that she wanted it, though. Being the center of attention really doesn’t matter to her or her family.

Lesson 6: The now Ms. Kim Kardashian is an ideal role model because she is on TV, and is all over magazines.

It is obvious that to have a happy life, people should do exactly as Kardashian does, so everyone can by happy.