End of the world drawing closer

Kaila Young, A&E Editor

All around the world, panic-stricken advocates of Friday’s upcoming doomsday are preparing for the end by stocking up on survival supplies instead of Christmas gifts.

If you think you know what you want for Christmas, consider this: a quick search on eBay.com reveals that a “Zombie Apocalypse Survival Kit” is considerably cheaper than an iPad mini.

“People keep talking about it,” freshman Ivey Wood said of the coming apocalypse, “but they’re just paranoid.”

Sophomore Grigg Shaw shares a similar point of view.

“It isn’t going to happen. But because people think it’s going to happen, they’re going to do whatever they want and cause mass destruction,” Shaw said.

Wood and Shaw’s anti-apocalyptic thoughts are not uncommon. There are many others who believe this Friday will be just another day.

Whether Friday is the last day, the irony that it’s scheduled for the last day of school before winter break and days before Christmas is not lost on Shaw.

“It’s a tragedy, but it’s also an excuse to get presents early,” said Shaw.

There are many other theories about how the world will end.

“It’s obviously going to be due to the influx of pop songs like ‘Call Me Maybe’ and ‘We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together’,” said sophomore Saatvika Deshpande.

Only time will tell which theory will come true, if any.

The end of the Mayan calendar (Dec. 21, 2012) is what first sparked predictions the world would end, but recent studies have found the calendar is more flawed than thought.  The uncertainty behind the apocalyptic date means one must be prepared for anything.

“I have an earthquake kit from the ’80s,” junior Matthew Bridges said. “I’m also raising alpacas and chickens, so I’ll have eggs, milk, and fur.”

There are a few places people should avoid so they don’t have a zombie face off. Most zombies migrate toward Wal-Marts because of their low prices and large masses of humans.

The initial rush of humans trying to get supplies and zombies trying to get humans would result in something similar to a Black Friday sale.  Here’s how to survive a zombie apocalypse:

Stay far away from Wal-Mart and look for a Whole Foods. Any zombies there will be vegan so they’ll  be on strict no-human-flesh diets.

Find your for friends. It’s always safer to travel in groups. That way, if a zombie horde catches you, there will be at least one person to sacrifice.

Finally, look for a small, secure place to hide, such as a hole in the ground.  Most zombies will assume you are dead and leave you alone. And if Friday is nothing and you’re alive the next day, at least your break was more fun than planned.