How to train your pet leprechaun

Caitlin Stein, News Editor

Saint Patrick’s Day wouldn’t be a fun holiday if it wasn’t for the excuse to pinch people who aren’t wearing green.

Instead of inflicting pain on others, I chose to spend my Saint Patrick’s Day, which was Sunday, the mature way: trying to catch a leprechaun.

Every Saint Patrick’s Day, however, has been a disappointment because I’ve never had one in my traps.  All I’ve found was the change from my piggy bank gone and a little note, mocking my incompetence.

After coming inside, head down, the feeling of shame running through me, I’ve often pondered: What would I do if I actually caught a leprechaun?

Now there are many ways to approach this if one were to actually succeed in catching one of these creepy, hairy guys.

For one, catching a leprechaun would be an amazing accomplishment, the first in history.  If I caught one, I’d tell every major news network about my achievement. Soon I will gain fame as the one person who finally caught a leprechaun.

If I put that on my college application, I wouldn’t be framing a rejection letter from USC but would be receiving an acceptance from the University of Spoiled Children. The best part is, the leprechaun that got me in could even pay for it all.

With the leprechaun now my prisoner, all of his fortune would go to me. He leaves all of his money in a special place that everyone knows about, but can’t find. The giant pot o’gold is hidden at the end of the rainbow, a place never witnessed by human eyes.

I’d make my leprechaun take me there regardless of the costs because soon I won’t just have a leprechaun, but a whole pot of gold, too,

Leprechauns are also known to make shoes for people, so I probably start a wooden shoe company because I’d probably end up beginning a major trend. Fashion is always waiting for something new.

Now lets get serious, having a leprechaun is a big responsibility that will stay with me my whole life.

That will be exciting at first, but then as the week, months and even years pass, he will probably become extremely boring, kind of like owning a pet turtle.  I guess I’d need to think about how he would effect my life in the future.

Despite all of the time and money it takes to catch, having a leprechaun of my own will be even better than pinching all of my friends.