The Californian

March Madness in the Newsroom

Conan Maron and Alex Suehiro

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It’s the time of the season again. Where hopefuls throw darts at a wall to decide who’s going to win the national college championship and the entire country decides to actually care about basketball for about two weeks before throwing it back into obscurity in favor of the Cavaliers overlords in the NBA. 

Warren Buffet offered to give a person with a perfect march madness bracket 1 million dollars a year for life. For all of us poor individuals who desperately need that pocket change, march madness provides us with an opportunity to test our luck with analytics and bracketology in college basketball. 

But what is this year’s perfect march madness bracket going to look like? For those people who say year after year that they always have the perfect bracket, run the other way for they will only distract you. Don’t search up some savvy experts brackets who claims that they statistically predicted all the upsets for we did that last year and went zero for four in our final four predictions. 

For us, we’re going to buy into the Trae Young hype and say the Oklahoma Sooners upset Duke in the second round. Kansas is probably overrated also so I say the Sooners from the Midwest division will make this year’s miracle run into the final four. 

University of North Carolina bores us so that is exactly why their also going to the final four from the western division. But isn’t North Carolina on the east coast you say? Yah I don’t know also, college basketball is weird.

From the Southern Division, Virginia will be the yearly one seed who makes it to the final four. They probably won’t choke, but that’s also what I thought with Villanova last year as their early exit in the round of 32 make brackets burn across the country. 

And for that reason again, Villanova will probably choke in the sweet 16 round this year. So who wins the East then? You have to always pick some obscure school you’ve never heard of to make a run at the championship. For that reason, we have our eyes and selected Wichita to make it to the final four also. 

If anyone would like to tell us where that school lies on a map, we will actually give you 10 dollars. 

From then on, it’s a hail mary guess anyway for we’re going to say that the University of North Carolina will bore us all once again this year and go back to back in the National championship. 

I can’t wait to burn my bracket after the first round. Happy pickings.

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March Madness in the Newsroom