An ode to online schooling

Saying goodbye to our old friend

Many students have fond memories of attending school online from the comfort of their own beds.

Illustration by Ari Harvey

Many students have fond memories of attending school online from the comfort of their own beds.

Evan Heinz, Staff Writer

Zoom, oh where art thou? 

I have fallen under the care of Schoology, a cruel mistress. I await your comforting smile. Hurry home. 

There are many things I miss about online school. I know many students enjoy being back on campus, but I am not one of them.

In online school, classes were regularly cut short and assignments only took a few minutes to complete, leaving the rest of the day for me to walk the dog, watch Netflix and call my friends. 

Online schooling felt as if summer hadn’t really ended. Almost all class time was spent resting in bed. Activities like calling friends and getting a snack were easy to take part in without consequence. When a teacher got too caught up in a rant, students could turn the class volume down and watch a show or play a game. 

Of course, I never did commit any of these heinous acts. 

Food was often a highlight of my day. There was always an opportunity to go downstairs and grab something from the kitchen when I felt my stomach growl. Now I have to wait for the bell to ring to bring out my delicious Goldfish and satisfy my cravings.

Teachers during quarantine were almost as casual as the students. Watching them get used to online school was almost painful. We’d frequently be interrupted by a teacher’s kids crying or the sound of the gardener mowing their lawns.

Teachers were out of their element, while their students, of course, shut off their camera to go hang out with friends and nap.

With online school I could listen in on classes from Starbucks, the park and even my car. The possibilities were endless. It was liberating. Going outside to take class felt like listening to a podcast. Very few times did I ever have to turn my camera on and actually participate in class.

Another great aspect of     online learning was not having to wear a mask. I have no quarrel with masks, but it was nice when I wasn’t fogging up my glasses and my skin wasn’t being irritated by my warm breath. 

Breaking out with bursts of acne has become another common occurrence, but masks do come in handy when hiding those aggravating red bumps on my face.

Being trapped inside meant we didn’t have to deal with the weather outside. Every day I awoke comfortably wrapped in the pleasant temperature set by my AC. Now I roll off my soft bed sheets and go to school where hoodies are necessary inside the chilly classrooms but immediately need to be taken off outside in the 90 degree heat.  

During online school, students often met with friends to hang out during and after  classes. I miss the days when I could pick up donuts and coffee before spending the day sitting next to my friends as they listened in on a class they weren’t even in. Sometimes we would even help each other with assignments to speed things up, and by help I honestly just mean help…

More studious students could work undisturbed by their fellow classmates while less studious students could ignore their class to their heart’s content. 

During online school, the playing field was leveled and there were more opportunities for me to share my ideas, while in school there’s always a loud kid that takes most of the class conversation time while others don’t get a word in.

Communication with teachers was quick and easy for me compared to in-person learning I could simply slip into another breakout room if I wanted to talk to a teacher in private without the entire class listening.

Contacting fellow students was easier for me as well because I could privately message them to discuss class topics.

Working at home was comfortable and students could finish work quicker because of fewer distractions and familiar space. Doing work in a seat that didn’t feel like an electric chair was a massive relief for me and many others who were taught from a screen.

But now we’re back in class. Many of us are still stuck behind screens because the district gave us chromebooks to use. Sadly, the district also gave us Schoology, our new online platform that makes learning more difficult to navigate.

School at home was not only more comfortable, but better organized with Google Classroom. Sigh.

I have written this declaration of my love to sway others to come and rescue me from this foul and smelly diseased lady who dabbles in the dark arts of in-person school with her evil sidekick, Schoology. 

Sincerely yours,

Evan Bartholomew Von Richard Alexander Christiansion VIII.