College rejection in a nutshell
Brian Nakajima, News Editor
March 16, 2018
Filed under News Lite
For the ephoebus senioritis, better known as the high school senior, the first three months of the second semester are tremendously distressful. The senior must deal with the natural stress inducing agents: homework, group projects, assassins targets, and all while dealing with the predisposition...
The beginning of the end
Conan Maron, Staff Writer
March 16, 2018
Filed under News Lite
Frustrated with the results of the 2016 election? Are you still chanting the words “not my president” in 2018? For all politically thirsty citizens wishing to implement real change, there is now a vacant government position ripe for the taking. Just imagine, putting yourself in...
Elon Musk throws us for a loop
Kevin Sablynski, Staff Writer
February 9, 2018
Filed under News Lite
Elon Musk, the man who believes we all live in a simulation, is in the process of making a high-speed form of underground, long-distance transportation called a Hyperloop with SpaceX. Musk’s proposed Hyperloop will be a shuttle-like vehicle traveling in an underground tunnel and track system, much...
Go ‘mutts’ over the pets in the newsroom
Emma Hall, Managing Editor
February 9, 2018
Filed under News Lite
Breaking meows! Heel the press! The Californian would like to give appreciation and gratitude to these pets of pawsitivity. Working for The Californian can be sometimes stressful, so it’s only appropriate these pets are given the recognition they deserve. Here are the stories of the wonder...
Valentines for Vladimir: From yours truly, Donald J. Trump <3
Holden Curtis, Staff Writer
February 9, 2018
Filed under News Lite
As we all know, our glorious leader in the White House has been in some hot water recently, as accusations of collusion have been aimed in his direction. Many of his underlings have been indicted in search of proof of committing these Russian wrongdoings. There has already been plenty of...
2017: The good, the bad, the ugly
Conan Maron, Staff Writer
December 19, 2017
Filed under News Lite
On Jan. 21, 2017, America watched their new emperor say the words, “I, Donald J. Trump, do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States. So help me God.” But...
The North Pole goes south
Holden Curtis, Staff Writer
December 19, 2017
Filed under News Lite
On Dec. 27, 2017, the hearing of The People v. Kris Kringle was held in the New York State federal court. The man, more commonly known as Santa Claus, was charged on more than 38 various felony offenses, with dozens more misdemeanor charges on the docket. The severity of Kringle’s...
How the Little Rocket Man stole Christmas
Alex Suehiro, Staff Writer
December 19, 2017
Filed under News Lite
’Twas the night before Christmas, when all through North Korea, not a creature was stirring, not even with diarrhea. The North Koreans were nestled all snug in their cots, while visions of the great leader danced in their thoughts. Every person in North Korea liked Christmas a lot, but Kim...
All chaotic on the In-N-Out front
Kevin Sablynski, Staff Writer
November 7, 2017
Filed under News Lite
The San Ramon In-N-Out Burger location turns into a harrowing war front after any Cal High event. With each Friday night football game, the unsuspecting establishment is plagued with riots of rowdy individuals from none other than our beloved Cal High. First come the belligerents...
Kian Jafari: San Ramon’s drifting legend
Holden Curtis, Staff Writer
November 7, 2017
Filed under News Lite
Many people in today’s society dream of being an action star, fighting crime and getting into car chases. For most people, having a persona out of a blockbuster movie will always remain a farfetched dream. But for Cal High senior Kian Jafari, this dream has become an absolute reality. Jafari...