Trump’s secret tower

Donald Trump has become the hottest presidential candidate ever, sorry Franklin Pierce.

Graphic by Rachel Macias

Donald Trump has become the hottest presidential candidate ever, sorry Franklin Pierce.

The Trump Erotic novel was a highly anticipated work of fiction this year.

The idea started with a few tweets by comedian Elijah Daniel, who started tweeting about getting drunk, writing an entire sex novel about Donald Trump, and putting it on Amazon.

He ended up following through with his promise, turning his writing into an actual book that became a bestseller overnight.

At the time, most people probably thought the whole tweet was a joke, but Daniel followed through with what he said he’d do. He wrote “Trump Temptations: The Billionaire & The Bellboy.” The novel is mainly a sexual story, and because of that, was labeled as an erotic novel.

Because this book was a huge joke, the beginning starts off with warnings telling the reader that the story is a work of fiction, a really bad one, and urges the reader to stop reading, and continually informs the reader that the story is really bad.

The story starts with a bellboy stacking luggage, when he smells someone behind him.

The expressive language in this novel is what makes the story funny, with descriptions of Trump’s scent, and jabs at the way he looks. The bellboy can smell Trump’s toupee adhesive and spray tan on the first page, and the descriptions only get funnier.

The bellboy is star struck when he comes face to face with Trump, and describes the billionaire in great detail. “With his oily orange skin glistening in the sunlight as if he were a soggy Cheeto, his hair unkempt and messy, like a gorgeous rat’s net. He was beautiful.”

The bellboy is ordered by his manager to bring Trump’s bags up to his suite. His attraction to Trump has his emotions running wild. “I didn’t come here to find love, but did love find me?” the bellboy ponders.

Once he arrives at Trump’s suite with the bags in tow, Trump gives him a note, telling him to be back at his suite later that night. Trump even gives him cash, telling him to, “Get himself something nice to wear.”

With trembling knees, the bellboy leaves the hotel room, with plans to return later.

Back at home, the bellboy talks about his crush to his friend. He says he met a boy, and his friend asks the appropriate questions that follow. “Is he cute?” she asks, to which the bellboy replies, “Gorgeous. His face is wrinkled like a beautiful overflowing flesh toilet.”

The friend comes to the conclusion that Trump is ugly, but the bellboy assures her, “He’s rich.” The discussion ends shortly afterward.

Later that night the bellboy returns to Trump’s suite. He admits his attraction to Trump to himself, thinking, “I wanted his geriatric 2006 Perez Hilton body, and I wanted it bad.”

Once the bellboy arrived, Trump greets him with affection. “He brushed his hand against my cheek, leaving a stream of self tanner dripping down me,” the bellboy brags.

Few compliments were exchanged before the romance began. “His hands felt like an old dried out gingerbread house. I was in love,” the bellboy describes.

“His neck flared up like that dinosaur on Jurassic Park, you know which one I mean,” gives the reader enough explanation to figure out that Trump was, indeed, a reptilian.

There were many plot twists in this erotic novel, and a lot of detailed language. There’s even a possibility of a sequel, with the writer ending the last chapter with, “The End… Or is it?”

This story deserves 4 out of 5 toupees. The plotline is what really drove the novel, as well as the descriptive language. There were many unanswered questions.

If the story was longer  it’d get 5 out of 5. “Trump Temptations” is a must read.