2012: Cal’s last graduating class…ever

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Ashby Huber
Staff Writer

For 38 years, Cal High has been sending their senior class out into the world. As the 39th class prepares for their graduation, there is one thing that’s on everyone’s mind. This will be the last senior class to graduate Cal High.

Many centuries ago, the Mayans made a calendar that foretold the end of all days. On Dec 21, 2012 the plate tectonics that make the Earth’s crust will shift causing massive flooding and much like in the movie “2012”, everyone will die.

To seniors, this doesn’t mean much. They’ll be out of high school and living it up in college. For underclassmen, this is a fate worse than repeating middle school.

“You guys (underclassmen) are noobs for not making it out of high school alive,” said senior Phillip Vainer.

To spend three years, even four for the unlucky class of 2013, in high school only to never make it out is a thought that could make even the toughest of men weep.

There couldn’t have been a more appropriate time for the apocalypse to come. The class of 2012 is by far the most superior senior class to have graced this school with their presence, so it’s almost necessary to end it all with them.

“Obviously we’re the best,” said senior Bryan Williamson.

And it’s hard to disagree. All year long, seniors have been the epitome of school spirit, a legacy that will surely be remembered for the remaining months before the apocalypse.

Although the graduating seniors will only be in college for a few months, many of them have big plans to make it count.

“YOLO, go hard,” said senior Stephanie Shaw.

YOLO (the acronym for “you only live once”) is a philosophy students have been applying to the choices they make. Whether it’s partying extra hard one night, or ignoring homework the next, YOLO will become more prominent the closer Doomsday gets.

However, not even YOLO can ease the fears of high school students everywhere.

Like the day of the “bomb scare” of ‘09, teachers will still force their students to take quizzes and tests, even though it might be the last thing they do.

Students can relax, because their grades won’t matter anyway. Parents won’t see first semester report cards because those don’t go out until January, and the closer the apocalypse gets, internet will be the first thing to go, so say goodbye to Schoolloop.

At least with the coming apocalypse, class size and the bell schedule will be the least of everyone’s problems.

And so, as the class of 2012 goes off to graduate, there are only a few things left to be said. While many teachers and students are wishing the underclassmen good luck for their final months of school, senior Cameron Speltz has something slightly different to say.

“Suck it freshmen.”