Go ‘mutts’ over the pets in the newsroom
Emma Hall, Managing Editor
February 9, 2018
Breaking meows! Heel the press! The Californian would like to give appreciation and gratitude to these pets of pawsitivity. Working for The Californian can be sometimes stressful, so it’s only appropriate these pets are given the recognition they deserve. Here are the stories of the wonder...
Valentines for Vladimir: From yours truly, Donald J. Trump <3
Holden Curtis, Staff Writer
February 9, 2018
As we all know, our glorious leader in the White House has been in some hot water recently, as accusations of collusion have been aimed in his direction. Many of his underlings have been indicted in search of proof of committing these Russian wrongdoings. There has already been plenty of...
2017: The good, the bad, the ugly
Conan Maron, Staff Writer
December 19, 2017
On Jan. 21, 2017, America watched their new emperor say the words, “I, Donald J. Trump, do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States. So help me God.” But...
The North Pole goes south
Holden Curtis, Staff Writer
December 19, 2017
On Dec. 27, 2017, the hearing of The People v. Kris Kringle was held in the New York State federal court. The man, more commonly known as Santa Claus, was charged on more than 38 various felony offenses, with dozens more misdemeanor charges on the docket. The severity of Kringle’s...
How the Little Rocket Man stole Christmas
Alex Suehiro, Staff Writer
December 19, 2017
’Twas the night before Christmas, when all through North Korea, not a creature was stirring, not even with diarrhea. The North Koreans were nestled all snug in their cots, while visions of the great leader danced in their thoughts. Every person in North Korea liked Christmas a lot, but Kim...
All chaotic on the In-N-Out front
Kevin Sablynski, Staff Writer
November 7, 2017
The San Ramon In-N-Out Burger location turns into a harrowing war front after any Cal High event. With each Friday night football game, the unsuspecting establishment is plagued with riots of rowdy individuals from none other than our beloved Cal High. First come the belligerents...
Kian Jafari: San Ramon’s drifting legend
Holden Curtis, Staff Writer
November 7, 2017
Many people in today’s society dream of being an action star, fighting crime and getting into car chases. For most people, having a persona out of a blockbuster movie will always remain a farfetched dream. But for Cal High senior Kian Jafari, this dream has become an absolute reality. Jafari...
Dabbing no longer just a dance move
Kevin Sablynski, Staff Writer
October 2, 2017
As expected, teens stuck in the confines of school have gone under the radar with vaping these days, taking a step further than an average nicotine-based JUUL. It’s along the lines of marijuana now. It’s expected to see high school students stoned in statistics, baked in biology, even inebriated...
Quite a spin on the fidget spinner
Holden Curtis, Staff Writer
October 2, 2017
The wheel. Who needs it? Sliced bread. Who cares? None of these inventions hold a candle to the glorious fidget spinner. Surely the greatest invention of the 21st century, this small plastic toy has captivated the minds of the easily-impressed in recent months. But just when we...
Solar eclipse gave me super powers
Matt Martinez, Staff Writer
October 2, 2017
I remember when everyone called me an idiot for staring directly into the eclipse without those stupid glasses on. Look at me now. I’m a frickin’ X-Man. I can’t even count how many times I heard the phrase, “Don’t look directly into the sun without glasses” before Aug. 21. ...