Note 7 blows away the competition
Ilene Morrisette, Staff Writer
November 7, 2016
Filed under News Lite
The new Samsung Note 7 has proven to have recently become a very hot product. One can say it has really blown up with consumers. Recently there have been many cases of the smartphone overheating and exploding. According to Forbes, part of the reason behind the aforementioned explos...
Lone Star State becomes loner
Aaron Velasquez, Staff Writer
September 29, 2016
Filed under News Lite
Since the dawn of time man has tried to unravel the mystery as to why Texas has this never-ending desire to secede from the Union. The newest movement to secede has been headed by Daniel Miller, a sixth generation Texan. He is the head of The Texas Nationalist Movement (TNM), which has been fighting...
Emojis take over
Kaitlyn Martin, Staff Writer
September 29, 2016
Filed under News Lite
Apple unveiled earlier this month 100 new and redesigned emojis, which were distributed among the buyers and loyal customers for the IOS 10. These brand new super duper emojis are either slightly altered or completely different from the original ones. For example, the former gun emoji used to indicate...
Victoriano’s Secret: Sexy advice
Brandon Victoriano, Advice Columnist
September 29, 2016
Filed under News Lite
Editor’s note: After a year hiatus, the News Lite advice column is back! We apologize to our readers in advance. Dear Brandon, I have this friend who is obsessed with memes. What should I do? Are there support groups? Sincerely, Triggered Dear Poor-Taste-in-Friends, I offer you my...
Finishing strong?
Kat LeTran, Staff Writer
June 3, 2016
Filed under News Lite
The inevitable season has come again this year. Parents are desperate. Students are sluggish. Teachers are at their wits’ ends. No, it’s not the flu season, or even allergy season. It’s the end of the year slump. Everybody knows about senioritis. As the weather gets warmer and seniors...
Staff writers rate Cal’s bathrooms
June 3, 2016
Filed under News Lite
As human beings, certain bodily functions are necessary for survival and thus deserve to be respected. Our school, however, has at times exhibited blatant disrespect for these functions with dirty, poorly-stocked restrooms. So we decided to investigate, and find out exactly which bathrooms are adequate fo...
They see him floatin, they be a hatin’
Taylor Singer, Staff Writer
June 3, 2016
Filed under News Lite
A 42-year-old Florida man was rescued last month in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean after trying to embark on a 3,000-mile long nautical journey aboard an inflatable hamster ball. This modern Magellan made it a mere 70 miles and three days into his seafaring adventure, only to be “voluntarily”...
Trump’s secret tower
Karina Myrenget, Staff Writer
April 29, 2016
Filed under News Lite
The Trump Erotic novel was a highly anticipated work of fiction this year. The idea started with a few tweets by comedian Elijah Daniel, who started tweeting about getting drunk, writing an entire sex novel about Donald Trump, and putting it on Amazon. He ended up following through with his promise,...
You just hit the ninjackpot
Saif Khan, Staff Writer
April 29, 2016
Filed under News Lite
Are you an eligible, media experienced acrobat proficient in broken Japanese and shadowy combat? Are you hankering for a whopping $19,000 a year? Then you might just be suited for the Ieyasu Tokugawa and Hanzo Hattori Ninja Team. Started in August 2015, this team of six not-so-highly- trained...
This pun was on porpoise
Tristen Singer, Staff Writer
April 29, 2016
Filed under News Lite, Showcase
Dolphins are the cute, cuddly and innocent friends of the sea. But in the case of six dolphins currently patrolling the ports of Russia, all is not as it seems. That’s right, as a part of a program dating back to the 1960s, Russia over-seas its very own fleet of “attack dolphins.” Sound...