Victoriano’s Secret: Sexy advice
Brandon Victoriano, Advice Columnist
September 29, 2016
Filed under News Lite
Editor’s note: After a year hiatus, the News Lite advice column is back! We apologize to our readers in advance. Dear Brandon, I have this friend who is obsessed with memes. What should I do? Are there support groups? Sincerely, Triggered Dear Poor-Taste-in-Friends, I offer you my...
Finishing strong?
Kat LeTran, Staff Writer
June 3, 2016
Filed under News Lite
The inevitable season has come again this year. Parents are desperate. Students are sluggish. Teachers are at their wits’ ends. No, it’s not the flu season, or even allergy season. It’s the end of the year slump. Everybody knows about senioritis. As the weather gets warmer and seniors...
Staff writers rate Cal’s bathrooms
June 3, 2016
Filed under News Lite
As human beings, certain bodily functions are necessary for survival and thus deserve to be respected. Our school, however, has at times exhibited blatant disrespect for these functions with dirty, poorly-stocked restrooms. So we decided to investigate, and find out exactly which bathrooms are adequate fo...
They see him floatin, they be a hatin’
Taylor Singer, Staff Writer
June 3, 2016
Filed under News Lite
A 42-year-old Florida man was rescued last month in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean after trying to embark on a 3,000-mile long nautical journey aboard an inflatable hamster ball. This modern Magellan made it a mere 70 miles and three days into his seafaring adventure, only to be “voluntarily”...
Trump’s secret tower
Karina Myrenget, Staff Writer
April 29, 2016
Filed under News Lite
The Trump Erotic novel was a highly anticipated work of fiction this year. The idea started with a few tweets by comedian Elijah Daniel, who started tweeting about getting drunk, writing an entire sex novel about Donald Trump, and putting it on Amazon. He ended up following through with his promise,...
You just hit the ninjackpot
Saif Khan, Staff Writer
April 29, 2016
Filed under News Lite
Are you an eligible, media experienced acrobat proficient in broken Japanese and shadowy combat? Are you hankering for a whopping $19,000 a year? Then you might just be suited for the Ieyasu Tokugawa and Hanzo Hattori Ninja Team. Started in August 2015, this team of six not-so-highly- trained...
This pun was on porpoise
Tristen Singer, Staff Writer
April 29, 2016
Filed under News Lite, Showcase
Dolphins are the cute, cuddly and innocent friends of the sea. But in the case of six dolphins currently patrolling the ports of Russia, all is not as it seems. That’s right, as a part of a program dating back to the 1960s, Russia over-seas its very own fleet of “attack dolphins.” Sound...
Assassins is more than just a game; it’s a way of life
Nate Rankin, Staff Writer
March 15, 2016
Filed under News Lite, Showcase
As second semester seniors, we have a lot of pressure on us to show the world that we can be successful young adults. We’re supposed to show responsibility, independence and qualities that would deem us “acceptable” by colleges and “employable” by the work force. The game of Assassins...
Prom costs more than Kanye’s shoes
Tristen Singer, Staff Writer
March 15, 2016
Filed under News Lite
It’s finally over. The holiday season and all of the reckless spending brought with it has finally drawn to a close. Whether you’re still kicking yourself for buying that useless hoverboard, or spending way too much on your significant other’s Valentines gift, we can all agree on one thing....
Uber puppy service is more cuddly than ever
Jessica Yuan, Staff Writer
March 15, 2016
Filed under News Lite
Having a “ruff” day? Instead of chugging down another cup of coffee, there’s now a much cuter alternative for that little boost during your mid-day crash. Throughout the course of the past year, UberPuppies has been delivering little bundles of joy straight to the doorsteps of offices and...