By next year, Amazon.com will likely have fully-functioning delivery drones.
Thank goodness, because if shoppers have to wait another second for their Pyrex Prepware 3-piece mixing bowl set, they would be forced to bake a cake with only two dishwasher-safe bowls.
It’s excellent that Amazon has made its service far faster. We have all needed something in a moment and have been bothered when shipping takes up to seven business days.
Obviously, when it’s needed, one can’t wait too long for a birthing kit, or AA batteries.
If someone’s being interrogated, he or she has no time to wait a week for Trivial Pursuit: Fifty Years of James Bond. And it doesn’t need to be explained as to why one couldn’t wait for a 48-pack of toilet paper.
People have their own personal reasons why they might need their Amazon product delivered quickly.
“Probably because I’m running away from evil velociraptors and I didn’t have the proper arrow-heads for my bow to hunt them down,” said junior Alex Bru. “So some nice broadheads.”
Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos has predicted these aerial mailmen will be in use as early as 2015.
Bezos said the drones will have a 10-mile radius from the Amazon distributor, and carry up to five pounds of freight.
So if someone needs a VHS copy of Richard Simmons’ “Sweatin’ to the Oldies” (and who wouldn’t need that?) and lives in a rural area, the wait time might be up to several days.
Sophomore Belle Goodson, knows what necessity she needs ASAP.
“There are these things called ostrich pillows, where you stick your whole head in it and its got these little pockets for your hands so you can sleep face-down on a desk, but you end up looking like a weird squid,”said Goodson
The largest concern of Amazon.com and critics of this new delivery service are people shooting down the drones. Some other possible problems: the drones could fly too high, accidentally mistake a residence for an Al-Qaeda-suspected hideout, drop suddenly from the sky and hurt innocent cats, or deliver one’s “Sweatin’ to the Oldies” copy to their neighbor’s house.
“I think the obvious thing that could go wrong is the technicality problems,” said senior Eden Kovler. “It could drop packages on people’s heads as well as just fall apart and you’d have to retrieve it to fix it.”
The shooting down of packages is a real problem. If one sees something As Seen on TV, and it is lost to some jerk with a slingshot, they’re going to be pretty miffed.
People want to feel secure when they pay $900 for a signed copy of L. Ron Hubbard’s “Dianetics.” How else will they become acquainted with Xenu, the dictator of the Galactic?
These drones are a good idea, but if they are successful, what could be the consequences?
Perhaps a remote-controlled helicopter revolution, delivery from guided missile to speed up delivery.
There will be homeless tiny pilots on every corner, begging for tiny change.
And that’s just the beginning. What’s next? A real RoboCop? A time machine delivering products you haven’t even ordered yet? A woman president? A uniformed government employee delivering a package by hand at one’s doorstep?
These predictions strike terror into all who think about future advancements.
