San Jose student shocks the world
Emma Hall, Staff Writer
October 19, 2015
Filed under News Lite
All over the nation there has been word of an extraordinary student at Leland High School in San Jose. His attributes have changed California’s history and have made national news. This particular student is ingenious, amiable, and a part of a select number of students in the student council....
Sit down and listen up, you freshmen
Cameron Harris, Staff Writer
October 19, 2015
Filed under News Lite
Freshman year is a year of firsts. First high school experience, first block schedule, and your first set of unwritten rules. These rules and regulations have been passed down since Cal High ’s founding in 1973. Freshman, you get the unparalleled 3rd floor. Its roomy hallways allow for unlimited...
Facebook: a gift beyond the grave
Raz Mostaghimi, Staff Writer
June 5, 2015
Filed under News Lite
Great news for ghosts-to-be: in February, Facebook introduced a new feature called the “Legacy Contact.” With this feature, people can give control of their Facebook accounts to a friend or family member after they die. The loved one in charge of the account can accept friend requests, change...
Farewell, Cal High. And now, a hysterical list of what one can do after high school
Sam Gershik and Pierce Woodward
June 5, 2015
Filed under News Lite
Seniors, we are now done with high school. What are some options for what to do next? We could go to college. We could go the military. We could become facetious bloggers that sip coffee and fill with so much false confidence we stop paying taxes. We could adopt a dog. We could skin a cat. We could...
Body cameras belong on our teachers
Saatvika Deshpande, Staff Writer
June 5, 2015
Filed under News Lite
In the wake of President Obama’s initiative to put body camera on police officers nationwide, another genius idea has come to light: to attach body cameras to Cal High teachers. While some might see this as an invasion of privacy, we at The Californian see it as a simple monitoring device. What b...
War of the Woodwards
Pierce Woodward, Advice Columnist
April 27, 2015
Filed under News Lite
So I found him. I found the guy who kidnapped me. He’s a scientist, but the worst kind. I wasn’t the only person he had kidnapped. There were many others, all of whom had been experimented on by this scientist. I was the only success story. Needless to say, I developed a hero complex, and...
I raaaaaaaaaaan, I ran so far away
Arman Tafazzoli, Managing Editor
April 27, 2015
Filed under News Lite
I ran is a sentence. Iran, pronounced “ee-ron” for all you uncultured gringos, is a country. A very disliked and misunderstood country here in the U.S. I had the pleasure of spending my three weeks of spring break (taking off an extra two weeks to add to the one) in Iran after not having visited...
Spurned Spurs!
Sam Gershik, News Lite Editor
March 10, 2015
Filed under News Lite
Sheriff Stephen Haskell of Sublette County, Wyo., which spans the great metropolises of Pinedale, Big Piney and Marbleton and home to 10,041 people, has banned the wearing of cowboy attire by police officers while on the job. Who is this pleb to tell police officers what to wear while serving their...
Woodward leaps to conclusions, lands on supposition
Pierce Woodward, Advice Columnist
March 10, 2015
Filed under News Lite
I got the test results of my suit back from the police. They’ve matched some of the residue on it to a very narrow list of locations, only one of which I could fathom to have been where I was held. Accessing my amazing powers of stealth, I dilly-dallied minimally as I maneuvered my way toward the...
Yeezus’ gift to man
Annissa Bensalah and Saatvika Deshpande
March 10, 2015
Filed under News Lite
Are you looking for a new style? One that screams, “I’m a homeless, zombie-killing apocalypse survivor?” Worry not, as our savior Yeezus has answered your prayers. Between interrupting singers at the Grammys and hanging out with his new BFF Paul McCartney, Kanye West has been designing the ugliest,...