The Californian

They see him floatin, they be a hatin’

They see him floatin, they be a hatin’

Taylor Singer, Staff Writer

June 3, 2016

A 42-year-old Florida man was rescued last month in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean after trying to embark on a 3,000-mile long nautical journey aboard an inflatable hamster ball. This modern Magellan made it a mere 70 miles and three days into his seafaring adventure, only to be “voluntarily”...

Trump’s secret tower

Trump’s secret tower

Karina Myrenget, Staff Writer

April 29, 2016

The Trump Erotic novel was a highly anticipated work of fiction this year. The idea started with a few tweets by comedian Elijah Daniel, who started tweeting about getting drunk, writing an entire sex novel about Donald Trump, and putting it on Amazon. He ended up following through with his promise,...

You just hit the ninjackpot

Saif Khan, Staff Writer

April 29, 2016

Are you an eligible, media experienced acrobat proficient in broken Japanese and shadowy combat? Are you hankering for a whopping $19,000 a year? Then you might just be suited for the Ieyasu Tokugawa and Hanzo Hattori Ninja Team. Started in August 2015, this team of six not-so-highly- trained...

This pun was on porpoise

Tristen Singer, Staff Writer

April 29, 2016

Dolphins are the cute, cuddly and innocent friends of the sea. But in the case of six dolphins currently patrolling the ports of Russia, all is not as it seems. That’s right, as a part of a program dating back to the 1960s, Russia over-seas its very own fleet of “attack dolphins.” Sound...

Assassins is more than just a game; it’s a way of life

Assassins is more than just a game; it’s a way of life

Nate Rankin, Staff Writer

March 15, 2016

As second semester seniors, we have a lot of pressure on us to show the world that we can be successful young adults. We’re supposed to show responsibility, independence and qualities that would deem us “acceptable” by colleges and “employable” by the work force. The game of Assassins...

Prom costs more than Kanye’s shoes

Prom costs more than Kanye’s shoes

Tristen Singer, Staff Writer

March 15, 2016

It’s finally over. The holiday season and all of the reckless spending brought with it has finally drawn to a close. Whether you’re still kicking yourself for buying that useless hoverboard, or spending way too much on your significant other’s Valentines gift, we can all agree on one thing....

Uber puppy service is more cuddly than ever

Jessica Yuan, Staff Writer

March 15, 2016

Having a “ruff” day? Instead of chugging down  another cup of coffee, there’s now a much cuter alternative for that little boost during your mid-day crash. Throughout the course of the past year, UberPuppies has been delivering little bundles of joy straight to the doorsteps of offices and...

Droning is about to get a lot more fun

Droning is about to get a lot more fun

Cameron Harris, Staff Writer

February 8, 2016

Amazon delivers everything. Well, not everything, but they are getting closer. Alcoholic beverages are now being delivered by Amazon. Choose your one hour delivery for an extra eight dollars, or just wait two hours for no delivery fee. The question is, why hasn’t Amazon used their most powerful...

How much do you love Mickey?

How much do you love Mickey?

Chara Ty, Staff Writer

February 8, 2016

We’re all looking for our perfect match, for the one to complete us. But it’s simply impossible to meet every single person in search for a soul mate. That’s why lonely souls seeking one another have been blessed with online dating sites catered to specific preferences. Today, there are websites...

Worst aunt ever

Tristen Singer, Staff Writer

February 4, 2016

Here’s something that we can leave in 2015– suing your nephew for $127,000 because of a hug. This may sound crazy, but it was the reality for 54-year-old Jennifer Connell and 12-year-old Sean Tarala. The story began when Connell was attending Tarala’s birthday party in 2011. When she arrived,...